Losing Control
by dest-my-iel
Summary: Sam dies after the third trial and Dean does not know what to do or where Cas is. Rated M for later chapters.


**Author's Note: Hello! This is the first fanfic I am writing and I really would like some feedback, but please do not be too harsh for I am pretty sensitive :( I also might be sort of slow with updating because it takes me a while to figure out how to write things if that makes sense. Also sorry for the bad summary. I am always bad at summarizing things. I hope you enjoy it though :)**

Sam fell to the ground while him and Dean were leaving the church.

"Castiel!" yelled Dean. Sam was in bad shape. Just seeing his brother in that condition was killing Dean. Dean would do anything to trade places with his little brother. Dean looked up at the sky and saw what could only be described as hundreds of shooting stars falling from the clouds. He was wondering where Cas was and what was happening. After a few seconds of looking at the sky, Sam started coughing and wheezing in Dean's arms.

"It's okay, Sammy, just keep breathing," Dean said while cradling his dying little brother. Sam's wheezing had gotten worse. Dean looked Sam in the eyes and his heart dropped. He knew his brother was not going to make it past tonight. Dean needed Castiel's help, and he was not answering Dean's calls.

After a few minutes, Sam had stopped breathing. His eye's glazed over and he had lost any remaining color left in his face. Dean gripped his brother tightly and started crying.

"Please, Cas," Dean squeaked. He was begging Cas to come and bring Sam back to life. He did not want to leave until his brother was alive, but after twenty minutes, he knew Cas wasn't going to come to him. Dean picked up Sam's body and carefully placed it in the back of the Impala. While Dean knew his brother was not alive, he still wanted to be as gentle as possible with Sam's lifeless body. Dean gave the body one more glance before shutting the back doors of the car.

Dean walked to the driver's door and turned the Impala on. He had to figure out where to bury Sam's body. He was done relying on Cas to come and save the day.

Dean was almost back at the bunker and he had not found the perfect spot for his little brother. He did not know what to do and he had nobody to help him. Through his teary eyes he noticed a small trail leading into some wilderness, just big enough for his car to go through. He turned into the trees and followed the man made path into the dark forest. All the trees were hanging low and it was slightly foggy. The scene was slightly eerie but Dean decided to continue. Just then he saw a patch of bare ground. No trees were growing out of the ground there and it looked like a perfect spot to put his brother's body.

Dean put the car in park and took a deep breath. He was so used to his brother always coming back, whether it was figuratively or literally. Dean stepped out of the car and went to open the trunk. He pulled out a shovel and trudged through the slightly muddy forest. The ground was easy to dig into but the heavy mud made it hard to lift the shovel. Dean had to put more effort into digging the grave than usual although he could partly understand that this was because Sam was usually there to help him.

After forty minutes of digging, Dean was finally finished. He walked back to the car and put the shovel back into the trunk. The moment of truth for Dean was opening the back doors of Impala. Dean laced his arms under Sam's to get a good grip on his brother's large stature. Sam felt cold. His body was stiff but he was not in full rigor mortis so Dean could move his body slightly. Dean carried his brother over to the hole he just finished digging. Slowly and carefully, he placed Sam's body into the grave. Dean took one last look at his brother, soaking up his face so he could always remember it. Tears were wetting Dean's cheeks. He walked back to get the shovel to put the dirt back into the hole.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I am so sorry," voiced Dean. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

Dean had buried countless numbers of bodies, but it was never like this. The cool breeze hit his face like hundreds of daggers. The smell of the dirt was putrid and made Dean feel sick. His hands could barely keep a hold on the shovel he was using. The wood of the handle felt like it was giving him thousands of splinters. The experience was physically and mentally hurting Dean.

By the time he was done burying Sam, Dean was drained. He felted blessed to know that the area he found to bury his brother was only fifteen minutes away from the bunker. He did not have enough left in him to drive for hours.

The fact that Dean had just buried his brother made him hate himself. He felt as if he gave up on Sam too quickly. Dean screamed and started crying. He just wanted to die. He would do anything to trade places with Sam.

Dean pulled up to the bunker and saw Kevin's car.

_'Shit' _Dean thought. He forgot Kevin was there. He got out of his car and walked to the front door. He saw Kevin through his teary eyes and did not want to talk.

"Dean! Where's Sam? Why are you crying?" Kevin asked running towards Dean.

"Get out," Dean said harshly.

"What?" questioned Kevin.

"You heard me. Get out!" Dean screamed.

Kevin did not say anything to Dean. He knew Dean did not mean what he was saying to him. He was smart enough to figure out that something had happened to Sam and that Dean was not ready to talk about it. Kevin nodded and left the bunker. He knew Dean would contact him when he was ready to talk about what happened to Sam.

When Kevin left, Dean went back into his room and fell down onto the bed in anguish over losing Sam. He started crying harder than before until he fell asleep.


End file.
